I haven’t written on here in awhile. I was thinking of the reasons why today. They included:
- Whatever I publish, people won’t even read
- Even if I publish something and people read it, it won’t be very good
- Even if it’s very good content it won’t make me money or gain me fame
- Even it gains me fame it won’t…
And that’s where I ended my thought process. “Even if it gains me fame it won’t….” Notice how many “wont’ts” you can count in my thought process. That’s not a very positive thought process, in fact it’s detrimental and has prevented me from writing anything. I get this image in my head that my content needs to be “X” and pertain to “Y” people. I’m so focused on the outcome of my work that the process of creating the work itself isn’t fun. It’s work because I’m worried about what it will become. That it has to be a certain way…
And then I realized something, this thought process I have is not unique to writing.
At the gym I’m worried I won’t get bigger.
When hanging out with friends I’m worried that I’m taking too much leisure.
When I’m dating I’m worried if not if the person is front of me is the “one” or not.
There is a theme here, it involves living in the future. Thinking what will happen. Not what is currently happening. In a sense, I am time traveler. Trying to predict what will happen and where I will be. And what damage can that cause? Well if you’ve time traveled most of your life, you won’t have any idea what the present is like. The present will be some foreign place, where you have no idea what is going on. You might come back from the future, only to find that your grandmother died when you were gone. You might come back from the future, only to find that your kids have moved out of the house. You might come back from the future only to find that you are 80 and dying.
And you’ll realize that you were never truly present. You were worried about what will be, not what is.
Now I haven’t written on here in a awhile, and that’s OK. Because I decided to present and write this out anyway. As a reminder that I am can be present, and not worry about whether this will be read by anyone, whether it will be good, or whether it will gain me fame.